sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
