...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
