The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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