If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
