We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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