i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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