he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
