I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
