And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
