i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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