I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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