It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You are a booty call, not a friend.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
