Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
even my farts smell like vagina
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
3 2 1 whiskey
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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