After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Randomize
