the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
