You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
