By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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