A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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