Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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