Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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