I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
