wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
It was confusing and full of hummus
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
