i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I am available for nakedness
Randomize
