Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Hippo gnu deer
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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