theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
