Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
