I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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