we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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