is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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