the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
