I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Come share oat with me in your robe
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I need to calm my uterus...
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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