Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Mom said you looked used
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
