so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
