she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
