the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
