Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
