Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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