Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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