I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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