My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
he fucked my hip out of place.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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