I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
