I look better un-naked...
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
