Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
