It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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