it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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