What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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