i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
