I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
