I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
