Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
