im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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