She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I wish I only lived at night.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
That accounts for only three of the penises
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
