I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
