Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Randomize
