I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Randomize
