Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
