Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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