just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
