Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
