I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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