Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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