I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
