"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
