I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
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