Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
