Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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