You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
