Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
