Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
