It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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